


I Know He Knows

by pornell_fangirl



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: DADT Repeal, M/M, Pining!John, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 14:41:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4439699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pornell_fangirl/pseuds/pornell_fangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Ladon both think they know how the other feels, but do they really?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Know He Knows

**Author's Note:**

> The usual disclaimers apply. I own nothing, it all belongs to MGM and Sony et al. If I did own them, Evan would've run off with Ladon during Season 2.
> 
> All reviews are welcome please. I've wanted to write this pairing for years but I just couldn't do it. Suddenly it came to me and it was done in minutes. Not betaed. All mistakes are mine alone.

He has something I want and I know he knows it. Of course, he’s never come out and said it, but it’s there in the quick glance he gives me as the Stargate closes down behind him and Evan (Major Lorne, dammit!) steps into his arms.

When they repealed DADT, I don’t think it came as a surprise to anyone who really knew him when Lorne came out. His request less than an hour later to visit the Genii homeworld, however… well that certainly got people scratching their heads and tongues wagging all over Atlantis.

It would seem that during his capture by Radim’s men, they’d had plenty time to talk and get to know each other and when the new Genii leader had asked for Lorne as Atlantis’ new representative on his planet; well it had really made sense. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that there was no love lost between Radim and me after all.

When Lorne returned from his visit and informed Woolsey and myself that, although nothing untoward had ever taken place between himself and Radim prior to that day, they were now able to move past the one hurdle standing between them and were officially a couple, I felt something that felt scarily like a lead ball settle in the pit of my stomach.

Yes, I can admit – if only to myself – that I’ve always found Evan Lorne attractive. Hell, you’d have to be blind not to see it. But even without DADT, the frat regs had always been there so I’d allowed my feelings to be bottled away, stored behind the brick wall I’d built around my heart after my disastrous marriage to Nancy and then my near suicidal relationship with Cam Mitchell.  
I convinced myself that it was both as his commanding officer and his friend that I looked for any loophole that would allow me to tell Lorne that his relationship with the leader of an alien race was against regulations. I found nothing. So I took it to Woolsey and – after looking at me like I was infested with a Goa’uld – he proceeded to tell me the story of Dr Jackson and his wife and all the reasons the SGC, the IOA and even the President of the USA had no problem with such relationships.

On a personal level, Woolsey then began to point out that we were living in an alien galaxy and constantly fighting a war on all sides, as a reason that love in any form should be cherished. I almost would’ve started respecting the guy a whole lot more for his argument if it hadn’t all just hurt a little too much. He looked at me pointedly at the end of his lecture as if I were holding some kind of homophobic tendencies and he was ashamed of me for it. I wish I could have told him the truth.

Instead I have to live with this ever growing feeling of emptiness inside me every time the wormhole engages and I watch Evan (he’ll always be Evan, no matter what my head tells my heart) prepare to step through the wormhole or stand there, restless, waiting for his lover to come through. And every time, Ladon Radim looks at me for just a split second, part smugness that I want to wipe from his face and part pity that I want to run and hide from. I don’t know how he figured it out, but he knows. He has something I want and he knows I know it.

SGA*SGA*SGA*SGA*SGA*SGA*SGA*SGA*SGA*SGA

He has something I want and I know he knows it. Every time the Ring of the Ancestors engages and I look behind me for one last glimpse of Evan, before I’m forced to leave the comfort of my lover’s arms to return to my homeworld, I see it in his eyes.

I love Evan Lorne. I believe I may have loved him from the moment I first saw him. No matter the bravado I was showing in front of my men on the day of the Coup, it was always my intention to take the Lanteans with me and save them from the nuclear explosion I had planned for Cowen. How could I destroy such beauty after all, when there is so little of it left in any galaxy.

I know that Evan loves me too. It may not have been the fabled love at first sight for him that it was for me, but he has grown to love me and now I have faith that his love is just as strong as mine. The day that Evan came through the Ring to inform me that his planet’s laws had changed and he was finally able to love me freely, the same day that we shared our first kiss, our first intimate touch in any way, was one of the best of my life. The emotion I felt was similar to that of the moment Dr Beckett had told me my beloved Dahlia would live. Yet through my elation, there was a simple truth that I could not deny. My loyalty would forever be with my people as his will forever be with his own.

If it were possible, I would have him by my side always. I would give him the power to reign alongside me as I know that he would be just and fair to my people, as I strive to be. It cannot be that way however. His first priority is to Atlantis and to Colonel John Sheppard. I do not believe he feels the same way about Richard Woolsey, although he has never spoken about the man in a negative way. I simply doubt that Evan sees him as the true leader of the Atlantis expedition that Sheppard is. I worry about this at times.

So Sheppard has something I can never lay claim to. A part of Evan that is his alone. Perhaps that is why I always greet my lover in Atlantis a little more excessively than is truly warranted. Simply put, I am jealous. There! I have admitted it! John Sheppard has a part of Evan Lorne that I can never have and it eats away at me.

More than once I have considered handing the reign of the Genii people to my sister. She would be as well respected among our people as I am, but I know this would be unfair to her. She has never completely recovered from the radiation poisoning and the effort involved in ruling our people would be too great for her.

I also believe the Atlantis expedition would welcome me, if for no other reason than that I am Evan’s lover. That I am also a capable scientist and soldier should stand for me too. Maybe then even Sheppard’s animosity toward me would lessen. I know he carries much weight on his shoulders, I feel the same burdon. Yet I have a place of sanctuary in Evan’s arms that I can escape to, while he has no such place. I try to let that empathy show in my eyes when I see him so that one day he may know that he has a friend to share this load with and maybe even make it easier for him to carry.

There may a come a day when I find someone I can trust implicitly with the rule of my people and the Evan and I can be together in the way I so deeply desire, but until then, he has the one thing I want and I know he knows it.

SGA*SGA*SGA*SGA*SGA*SGA*SGA*SGA*SGA*SGA

He has all of Evan.


End file.
